Dirty Balls Hairy Unfiltered
“Dirty Balls Hairy: Pineland Police Inspector”
From the deranged creative cellblocks of Pineland TV Studios, deep within the fictional Republic of Pineland, comes the first in a new series of bobbleheaded, batshit insane sitcoms that nobody asked for but everyone needs…
“DIRTY BALLS HAIRY” – The only lawman on the force with a .44 Magnum, a four-inch bobble neck, and zero patience for bureaucracy, hippies, and weak coffee.
Hairy’s not just dirty—he’s filthy with justice, sarcasm, and war crimes pending review.
INTRO NARRATION (voiceover by gravel-throated Vietnam vet)
“In a town where rules are optional, and violence is mandatory… only one man stands between order and total FUBAR. He’s got a badge, a bionic prostate, and a burning desire to empty his six-shooter… and not in a therapeutic way. He’s DIRTY BALLS HAIRY, Pineland’s last line of defense against communists, consultants, and cancel culture.”
TAGLINE:
“Go ahead… make my day, MUTHA FA!*”
Memorable Quotes from Dirty Balls Hairy, Season 1
“You got the right to remain silent. Use it. Or I’ll exercise my right to ballistic diplomacy.”
“Pineland Penal Code Section 420: All suspects are guilty until I say otherwise.”
“My safe word is ‘interrogation.’ Now talk!”
“I got more stripes than a zebra in a bar fight and less patience than a 3rd Battalion team sergeant in rush hour.”
“They gave me a badge. Then took it away. Then gave it back. Nobody else applied.”
Recurring Characters
Captain Fubar – The chief of police and Dirty Hairy’s eternal migraine. Constantly on the verge of retirement and/or homicide.
Sgt. Lip Gloss – Hairy’s bobblehead partner, a glam-rock survivor turned streetwise enforcer. Fights crime in glitter boots.
Mayor Moonbeam – Woke, confused, and bribable. Thinks Pineland is a yoga commune.
The Bearded One – Hairy’s arch nemesis. An ex-SERE instructor turned warlord. Speaks only in coded trivia and smells like regret.
Episode Titles (Season One)
“Magnum Opus (in Court)”
“Trigger Discipline is for Quitters”
“Make My Daycare”
“High-Speed Chase on a Rascal Scooter”
“Woke Up in Jail (Again)”
“Hairy’s Holiday: A Red Flag Christmas”
Coming soon to PinelandTV.com and your nightmares.
🪖 “Justice has never bobbled this hard.”
